Active Listening: seek first to understand

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• The working signal: he agrees with your restatement of his view

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• Listening to understand the speaker's frame of reference; he says "yes, that's it"

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• Ignoring → Pretending → Selective → Attentive → Empathic (bottom to top)

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• Presence, suspended judgment, tolerated silence, open questions, accurate reflection, speaker-led topic

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• Evaluating, Probing, Advising, Interpreting, Ignoring — the five poor defaults

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